Radical Adjustments of Inner Dialogue (Written by Michael Behmer. Edited by Novelist Susan Fisher)

You wash off the ants populating your peonies before you display the flowers on your table. The psychological equivalent swarming your thoughts, your inner dialogue, is ANTS: Automatic Negative Thoughts, which cause as much distress as insects climbing onto your dinner plate.

I’m a recovering victim of ANTS, and I work with many individuals and couples that are plagued by them. Maybe 40 percent of clients I see every day are consumed by ANTS. Those who are successful at reducing them do so by bold frontal attack, a method I call RAID, or Radical Adjustment of Inner Dialogue.

You, too, can rid yourself of the pesky pests in your mind. Not by minor adjustments. Phrases like “well maybe I should look at it in a different way,” or “I shouldn’t be so hard on myself,” leave the ANTS unfazed.

The adjustment has to be a radical, 180-degree shift in internal dialogue.

When you’re thinking something like: “my boss hates me,” or “I never have any luck,” or “my husband makes me so angry,” identify the thought immediately and counter it with one piece of evidence to the contrary, or common sense, or the bits of wisdom you’ve collected. Then make a radical statement to yourself. “Obviously that’s a lie.” “Clearly I’m wrong.” “Why would I fall for this stuff?” Admit that the boss praised you at the customer appreciation dinner, that you got the contract because you happened to shine your shoes the day of the pitch, that anger is a reaction you choose and not an emotion that can be caused by others.

Why would you put all this energy into countering ANTS? Because they needlessly destroy your relationships with others, lead to self-sabotage, and most importantly, they are self-marginalizing. When you brush off the ANTS with thoughts like “it’s no big deal,” or “I don’t care that much about it anyway,” they multiply and take over everything. You experience a downward spiral of failure, self-deprecation, hopelessness. You’re less and less able to cope with everyday life, much less to improve it.

Try a RAID. Give yourself a win. Write in and tell me about it. I’ll be doing the victory dance with you.

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